Feels like I have two months of exams!!!

I probably started this blog at the wrong time, fourth year at uni is a nightmare! And I’m hoping to do a masters after this?!?!

I had a presentation to do yesterday and I completely messed it up. Not only was it my usual feelings of inadequacy that comes with being at Edinburgh University (everyone is so confident and clever here and I’m always baffled at how I managed to get into Edinburgh in the first place) but I think this presentation was the start of the flurry of deadlines that are coming my way and I piled all my anxiety into this one moment. So yeah, didn’t go very well. I was shaking so much and sweating buckets – I felt sorry for the people sitting next to me after – and basically forgot everything and at the end gave up to let the next person speak. At least now it’s over. I bought an excess of chocolate and watched Supernatural all afternoon to recover.

Now, luckily, I don’t have any presentations (unless you count the minuscule participation marks in my other classes), and technically I don’t even have exams. Although I would say that these essays should count under ‘exams’, especially as one of them is actually called an ‘exam essay’. Three essays and a dissertation and I’m done!

Meanwhile, I am also hoping to apply for a Masters in Creative Writing, and I hope to do that by the end of March. I already have some stories which I’ll send them, but I want to make them perfect. One story in particular is from a play that I’ve been on-and-off writing for a while now but obviously I’ve changed the scene so it’s prose. It’s inspired by a very real event(s) which is one of the reasons why I’ve been writing it so slowly because I don’t want to implicate anyone through my writing. So I’m trying to edit it and highlight the differences, make the story more dramatic and the characters very different from the real people. I wrote it all out in one sitting a few days ago but it’s a higgledy-piggledy mess of dialogue, description and thought process and I think it’ll flow better if it’s grouped more, with the description and some thought process at the beginning, then the dialogue and the meeting scene, before the eerie, disturbing bit described through thought process. There are three major ‘presences’ in this story, so maybe I could start with one and then gradually add them as the story moves along, seeing as the climax of the story happens near the end with the discovery of the third ‘presence’, and I probably need something to encourage the reader if the climax is that late on.

I realise that probably doesn’t make sense, but it’s quite helpful to me! 😛

Then I have another story which is kind of a ghost story (yeah, the first one isn’t a ghost story despite the ‘presences’). I have great ideas about how to portray this one but unfortunately I am stuck on the actual details about the ghost… My inspiration for this story is falling flat so I might have to suss out some other source.

And finally I have a story set in Edinburgh which I wrote for an Edinburgh competition although I ended up not entering because the word limit was 500 words and I wrote waaaay more than that. To be honest, I’m quite glad I didn’t enter that competition because the reward was some writing workshops happening now and I have far too much on my plate.

I really hope I get into the Masters course. I’m so tired with exams and essays and keep wanting to write but it’s quite hard what with everything else going on in my head. I have so many projects I want to do; write a collection of the stories that my boyfriend’s dad has about our home town (of which he has many – he knows everything about Forres, seriously); write an biography of my own dad (from Germany to Scotland, becoming a musician and a busker, being The King on Edinburgh’s Royal Mile and being homeless); writing a series of short stories around the theme of story-telling which I’ve already started drafting; and finally being able to have time to think of, plan and write my first novel!

Lots to do then…

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